Unsure What Your Life Will Look Like in Retirement?
Why That Happens—and the Steps That Help You Get Clear
If you’ve ever found yourself Googling “What should I do in retirement?” while eating a Reese’s peanut butter cup (or three), you’re in good company.
After decades of early mornings, caregiving, managing people, solving problems, and being the reliable one, many women reach retirement and think:
· I thought this would feel like freedom—why does it feel flat?
· I’m used to being competent. Why can’t I figure this out?
· Is something wrong with me for not feeling happier?
· What if my best years already happened?
· Who am I without the identity I’ve had my entire adult life?
Retirement uncertainty isn’t a failure of planning or attitude—it’s a normal psychological transition. You’re stepping out of decades of structure, identity reinforcement, meaning, and external validation. Of course your internal compass needs time to recalibrate.
If this question keeps circling for you, you may like this blog post:
👉 What Will I Do All Day? Retirement Fears (and What They’re Really About)
If you’re new here:
Start with my free Retirement Vision Starter Kit — a quick, research-informed way to get clarity on what you want your next chapter to look like. It takes about 20 minutes.
If the identity shift is the hardest part, you may also like my free guide, Who Am I Now?
Why the Emotional Side of Retirement Matters
Most retirement advice focuses on logistics: money, healthcare, timing.
Very little prepares you for the identity shift.
For decades, your days answered essential questions for you:
Who am I needed by?
What am I responsible for?
Where do I belong?
What counts as a “good” day?
When that structure disappears, the mind naturally asks, Now what?
This is especially common for high-capability women who are used to being competent—and suddenly don’t feel that way in this transition.
What helps isn’t pushing yourself to “figure it out,” but moving through the transition in the right order.
Below is a grounded, real-life version of the four phases I use inside my Bold Retirement Method—the framework I’ve developed through my background in social psychology, decades of wellbeing research, and experience in coaching women through this exact moment.
Phase 1: Reconnect With Your Foundation
Before you design a fulfilling retirement, you need to reconnect with who you are now—not the role you held, not the expectations you carried, and not the identity that worked for a previous season.
Clarity begins with integration.
Look Back (With Honesty, Not Judgment)
Ask yourself:
What am I genuinely proud of?
What will I miss?
What am I relieved to leave behind?
Which strengths and values still feel like me?
When women skip this step, they often say, “I don’t feel like myself anymore.”
Look at Your Life Today
Ask:
What feels full?
What feels flat?
Where does my energy rise—or drop?
Energy often tells the truth before your thoughts do.
Example:
One client noticed her entire week felt lighter on days she went to dance class—she loved the movement, the music, and the social atmosphere. That insight reshaped her rhythm almost overnight.
👉 Related read: I thought I knew who I was - Until retirement made me rethink it
Phase 2: Craft a Meaningful Vision
This is where many women get stuck—not because they lack imagination, but because they feel pressure to get it right.
Common thoughts:
I don’t know what I want anymore.
I want too many things.
What if I choose wrong?
Nothing has gone wrong. You’re recalibrating after years of orienting your life around others’ needs and predictable routines.
Start With One Grounding Question
What do I want this next chapter to stand for?
Connection? Growth? Creativity? Contribution? Ease? Adventure?
These aren’t commitments—they’re breadcrumbs.
A simple framework many women find useful is Ikigai:
what you enjoy
what you’re good at
what feels meaningful
what serves others
The overlap becomes clearer through real-life experiments, not reflection alone.
Phase 3: Build a Real-Life Roadmap (Without Overcomplicating It)
Clarity turns into momentum when it meets structure.
Choose 1–3 Priorities
Ask:
What matters most right now?
What do I want to feel more often?
What needs more space?
Start with what rises to the top.
Build Simple Rhythms
Examples:
An art class (creativity, joy)
Morning walks twice a week (energy, wellbeing)
A discussion group or book club (connection, growth)
A weekly coffee-and-journaling date (reflection)
For me, mornings start with meditation, coffee, journaling, a blanket, and two cats who believe they’re essential members of my wellness team. That rhythm anchors my day before anything else asks something of me.
Phase 4: Embark on the Journey
This is the principle my coaching work is built on: you don’t get clear and then act—you act, and clarity follows.
A Simple Design Move to Try
Over the next couple of weeks:
Try one small shift (a class, a walk, a conversation, a group).
Notice how you feel before, during, and after.
Adjust—keep what energizes you, release what doesn’t.
That’s it.
This is how confidence rebuilds—not through thinking harder, but through lived experience.
Want a simple 20-minute way to get clearer on what you want next?
Grab the Retirement Vision Starter Kit here.
When Extra Support Helps
If you’re still feeling unsure about the life part of retirement, that’s exactly what my $97 Retirement Clarity Session is designed for—turning all of this thinking into one grounded next step you can actually take.
If you already know you want steady support as you move through all four phases of this transition, you can learn more about the 12-session Bold Retirement Method here.
Related Posts to Keep Exploring
👉 What will I do all day? (And other retirement fears no one talks about)
👉 I thought I knew who I was - Until retirement made me rethink it
👉 What Is Retirement Coaching — And Do I Really Need It?
Final Thought
You don’t need a grand plan to begin. You need a starting point that respects who you are—and who you’re becoming.
If you want a simple place to start, the Retirement Vision Starter Kit is here.
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About Elaine
I’m Elaine Belansky, PhD, a retirement transition coach who helps women in their 50s, 60s, and beyond design a bold, fulfilling next chapter. My work blends research, lived experience, deep empathy, and humor to help you build a lifestyle filled with connection, growth, and meaning. After retiring from a 30-year career as a professor and public health researcher — with a background in social psychology — I now support women navigating the emotional, social, and identity shifts that come with life after retirement.
