Unsure What Your Life Will Look Like in Retirement? Why That Happens — and the Steps That Help You Get Clear
If you’ve ever found yourself Googling “What should I do in retirement?” while eating a Reese’s peanut butter cup (or three), trust me — you’re not alone.
After decades of early mornings, caregiving, managing teams, solving problems, and being the reliable one everyone turns to, it’s completely normal to hit this transition and think:
“I thought retirement would feel like freedom — why does it feel so flat?”
“I’m used to being competent. Why is this the thing I can’t figure out?”
“Is it normal to feel guilty for not feeling happier?”
“What if my best years already happened and I didn’t even know it?”
“Who am I without the identity I’ve had my entire adult life?”
You’re not imagining this.
Retirement uncertainty happens because the transition isn’t just logistical — it’s psychological. You’re stepping out of decades of structure, identity reinforcement, meaning, and external validation. Your brain needs time (and intentional reflection) to recalibrate.
If this resonates, you may also appreciate:
➡️ What Will I Do All Day? Retirement Fears (and What They’re Really About)
That’s why this work matters.
Before we jump into the steps, here’s what I want you to know:
I use a four-phase approach inside my Bold Retirement Method — a research-backed framework shaped by my work in social psychology, decades of designing wellbeing programs, and years of coaching professional women through this exact transition. These phases help you reconnect with what matters, rediscover what lights you up, and design a life that feels meaningful and alive.
This article gives you a grounded, real-life look at those four phases.
What You’ll Learn Here
By the end of this article, you’ll walk away with:
a clearer sense of what matters to you now
a way to think about retirement that reduces pressure
simple steps to begin shaping days that feel grounded and alive
an understanding of how clarity actually forms (spoiler: not through overthinking)
Let’s dive in.
Phase 1: Reconnect With Your Foundation (and Start Reclaiming Clarity)
Before you design a fulfilling retirement, you need to reconnect with what matters to you now — not the identity you held at work, not the expectations others have for you, and not the roles that defined you for decades.
This phase is where uncertainty begins to ease.
Look Back (With Honesty, Not Judgment)
Ask yourself:
What am I proud of?
What will I genuinely miss?
What am I ready to leave behind?
Which strengths, values, and quirks do I want to carry forward?
Psychologists call this integration — connecting your past identity with your emerging one. When women skip this phase, they often describe feeling unmoored or “not like myself.”
Look at Your Life Today
Ask:
What feels full?
What feels flat?
Where does my energy rise or sink?
Your energy often reveals the truth before your thoughts do.
Example:
A client noticed her entire week felt lighter on days she went to yoga — not for the stretching, but for the conversations with the women beforehand. That insight reshaped her rhythm almost overnight.
A Common Detour
Many women try to “fix” retirement by filling up the calendar. It feels familiar and productive, but it rarely feels right.
Clarity starts with reconnection — not activity.
Phase 2: Craft a Meaningful Vision for Your Next Chapter
This is where your internal compass begins to reappear — even if it’s faint.
You may think:
“I don’t know what I want anymore.”
“I want too many things.”
“What if I choose wrong?”
Nothing has gone wrong. You’re recalibrating after years of orienting your days around others’ needs, external expectations, and predictable routines.
Start With One Grounding Question
What do I want this next chapter to stand for?
Joy? Connection? Growth? Creativity? Peace? Adventure? Contribution?
Your answers don’t need to be perfect. They’re breadcrumbs.
Use Ikigai as a Guide
Ikigai lives at the intersection of:
what you love
what you’re good at
what feels meaningful
what the world needs
Your sweet spot exists — and it expands as you do.
Client Story: Mary
Six months before retirement, Mary told me she wanted deeper friendships and more creativity — but she kept waiting for people to guess her needs.
Through our work together, she realized she needed boundaries and voice.
Today she has a nourishing book club, mentors younger women, and cultivates friendships that feel mutual and aligned.
A Common Detour
Everyone has opinions about your retirement.
Your vision is yours.
Phase 3: Build a Real-Life Roadmap (Without Overcomplicating It)
This is where clarity becomes momentum.
Choose Your Top Priorities
Ask:
What matters most right now?
What do I want to feel more often?
What needs more space in my life?
Choose 1–3 priorities. Enough is enough.
Build Rhythms Around Them
Here’s a balanced mix of joy, wellbeing, engagement, purpose, and connection:
Monday afternoon art class (joy, creativity)
Morning walks twice a week (wellbeing, energy)
Serving on a board or committee (purpose, contribution)
Weekly coffee-shop journaling date (grounding, reflection)
Monthly volunteering (meaning, service)
Joining a women’s discussion circle or book group (connection, growth)
Learning a new skill — Spanish, watercolor, pottery (mastery, engagement)
For me, mornings start with meditation, coffee, journaling, a fuzzy blanket, and two cats who believe they’re essential members of my wellness team. This ritual anchors me.
Notice What Derails You
Overscheduling
Old habits
Guilt
Saying yes when you’re depleted
Worrying you’ll disappoint someone
Awareness creates choice.
Try → Notice → Adjust
This is the heart of clarity:
Try one small shift.
Notice what happens.
Adjust based on what feels right.
Phase 4: Embark on the Journey (Clarity Comes From Action)
Here’s one of the biggest truths about retirement:
Most women wait to feel clear before taking action.
But clarity comes from action.
You can’t think your way into your next chapter — you discover it by living.
Start Experimenting
Try:
one new thing a month
revisiting something you used to love
joining a group
exploring new trails
reaching out instead of waiting
Then ask:
What feels alive?
What drains me?
What surprised me?
Adjust As You Go
Your roadmap will evolve because you are evolving.
A Personal Example
I’ve learned:
I need exercise most days — it lifts my mood.
Two social events per week is my sweet spot.
My morning journaling ritual keeps me centered before the day asks anything of me.
This is how clarity emerges: through real life, not rumination.
Free Resource: The Retirement Vision Starter Kit
The Retirement Vision Starter Kit is a 20-minute, research-informed workbook that helps you reconnect with what energizes you, imagine new possibilities, experiment with small shifts, and notice the patterns that point toward your next chapter.
It walks you through five simple steps — checking in, reconnecting, imagining, experimenting, and reflecting — all designed to help you take meaningful first steps toward clarity.
Perfect if you want insight without pressure.
👉 elainebelansky.com/free-retirement-starter-kit
🍨 Choose Your Next Scoop of Clarity
🍨 One Scoop — Explore
Browse more blog posts to spark ideas, feel understood, and gather inspiration as you shape a retirement that reflects who you are now.
👉 elainebelansky.com/blog
🍨🍨 Two Scoops — Quick Clarity
A 45-minute Retirement Clarity Session helps you get grounded and walk away with one meaningful next step you can actually use.
What women say about this session:
“My clarity session with Elaine, in only one hour, provided me with insights that probably would have taken me months, if ever, to work out on my own… Elaine is warm, smart, intuitive and knowledgeable and I am beyond grateful for her practical help and inspirational guidance.”
— Nancy H, Retired Professor
🍧 Full Sundae — Go All In on Yourself
If you're ready to design a retirement that feels energizing, meaningful, and aligned with who you’re becoming, my 12-session Bold Retirement Method gives you the structure, support, and psychological tools to make it happen.
Why a free consult first?
Because you deserve to understand the program, ask your questions, and make sure this support aligns with your goals. I also want to confirm I can genuinely help you create the chapter you want — no pressure, just a real conversation.
What women say about working together:
“From our first conversation, I knew Elaine was the person I wanted and needed to help me navigate this journey… Her insight is on point and I can’t imagine this time in my life without her by my side. I’m glad I made this investment in myself.”
— Nancy K, Business Owner
👉 Schedule your free 30-minute consult
About Elaine
I’m Elaine Belansky, PhD, a retirement transition coach who helps women in their 50s, 60s, and beyond design a bold, fulfilling next chapter. After retiring from a 30-year career as a professor and public health researcher — with a background in social psychology — I now support women navigating the emotional, social, and identity shifts that come with life after retirement. My work blends research, humor, lived experience, and deep empathy to help you build a lifestyle filled with connection, growth, and meaning.
