One Month from Retirement: What I’m Learning (and What Might Help You Too)
This is the third in a short series about what I’m learning as I approach my retirement.
I’ve spent the last thirty years anchored by a career I cared deeply about. Colleagues I respected. A calendar full of purpose.
Now—just one month from retirement—I’m starting to feel… untethered.
Not just free. Not just done.
Untethered.
There’s something beautiful about that image—being released from all the ties that held you. But there’s also something terrifying about it. When you’ve spent decades rooted in meaningful work, stepping away doesn’t just leave space in your calendar. It creates space in your identity.
And that space can feel exciting and… disorienting.
The Freedom of Not Belonging—And the Grief That Comes With It
As I prepare to leave my university, I find myself wondering: To what do I belong now?
There’s freedom in not belonging. Space. Possibility.
But that freedom is also braided with loss.
Psychologists have found that retirement is one of the most significant identity shifts adults face—second only to becoming a parent or losing a loved one. And while the world often frames retirement as a celebration, many of us feel a quieter emotional undercurrent: a sense of mourning.
We tend to romanticize things once they’re over. That frustrating job becomes nostalgic. Those endless meetings become part of a rhythm you almost miss. I know I’m doing that now - seeing my career through rose-tinted glasses. But I also think that’s part of the process.
When something ends, we often remember the best of it.
And that’s okay. It’s part of mourning.
I feel like I’m at a pool party, surrounded by people I’ve known and cared about for years. Everyone’s still splashing, laughing, and sharing stories… and I’m the one climbing the diving board. I’m about to leap into something unknown.
But I’ve jumped before.
Last year, on a waterfall excursion in the Dominican Republic, I had to leap into a deep pool - about 15 (felt like 30!) feet down. The guide said, “Keep your legs straight, no matter what.” But fear got the better of me. At the last second, I bent my knees trying to soften the landing—and it made everything worse.
Retirement feels a little like that.
The more we resist the jump, the harder it becomes.
But when we lean in, something opens up.
For You, If You’re Approaching Retirement…
You don’t have to wait until the final month to feel these things.
Whether retirement is a few months or a few years away, it’s worth asking:
Where in your life are you saying yes out of fear—rather than desire?
What version of “belonging” do you want in your next chapter?
Who are you when the calendar goes quiet?
And if you’re craving structure, clarity, or even just someone to talk this through with, please know: you don’t have to do it alone.
Avoiding the Urge to Fill the Space
Lately, I’ve caught myself trying to fill my July calendar out of fear—not inspiration. I’ve made lists and sketched out plans—not because I’m excited about them, but because I don’t want to wake up to a wide-open day with no idea what to do.
It’s like walking through Costco on a Saturday afternoon. You’re handed little bites of everything—cheese, sausage, a strange protein bar—and you say yes to it all, just because it’s there.
Eventually you realize: saying yes to everything just because it’s available doesn’t leave you satisfied—it leaves you overstimulated and unsure of what you actually want.
Retirement can feel the same way.
There’s pressure to stay busy, to make it all look seamless. But I’m learning it’s okay to move slowly. To wait.
To choose with intention.
And it turns out, that matters.
Retirees who structure their time around personal meaning—not just habit—report greater satisfaction and emotional well-being (Kim & Moen, 2002).
Three Things I’m Holding Close
If you’re in this transition too—or even just imagining it—here are a few truths I’m learning as I step across the threshold:
Belonging can be rebuilt.
You may feel unmoored at first, but connection can come again—especially when you start by reconnecting to yourself.
Ask yourself: Who or what makes me feel most like myself?Busy is not the same as fulfilled.
Filling time is easy. Fulfilling time is harder—and far more rewarding.
What activity leaves you feeling more energized, not less?It’s okay not to know.
Clarity isn’t a prerequisite for peace. Sometimes, the not-knowing is part of the unfolding.
Where in your life could you give yourself permission to wait?
Why I’m Starting This New Chapter as a Coach
I’m so glad I’ve decided to start my coaching business to support women in this phase of life.
One of my core beliefs is that this—right here, right now—is our time.
For decades, we’ve cared for others. We’ve been daughters, partners, mothers, professionals.
But when was the last time we truly explored who we are now?
Do you have a vision statement for this next chapter?
Do you know what values guide your decisions today—not 20 years ago?
Are there things you once loved that adult life pushed aside?
I love helping women rediscover and reinvent themselves—because they’ve earned their freedom.
And they deserve a life that truly lights them up.
Let’s Stay in Conversation
Yesterday, I had coffee with a friend who—very suddenly and without having every last detail worked out—moved to Hawaii.
She said something that stuck with me:
“You will never know every last piece of information about starting something new. And if you did, maybe you wouldn’t take the leap.”
That gave me permission to pause.
Maybe it will give you the same.
So I’ll leave you with this:
What’s one thing you’re letting go of—or reaching for—as you move toward your next chapter?
If this resonates, I’d love to hear where you are in your journey.
Please send me an email at elaine@elainebelansky.com and I promise to reply.
Elaine Belansky, PhD, is a retirement transition coach who helps women 50+ design a bold, fulfilling next chapter. She has a PhD in Social Psychology and is a Certified Professional Life Coach. As a researcher and professor, Elaine spent 30 years designing programs to support health and wellbeing and studying how best to motivate and educate individuals to bring about lasting change. Now, Elaine supports women who are navigating the emotional, social, and identity shifts that come with retirement. Her coaching blends science-backed tools, real-life experience, and deep empathy to help clients create lives rich in connection, learning, and meaning.
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