5 Retirement Surprises Women Encounter—And How to Embrace Them

I’m 25 days away from my own retirement, and even though I’ve spent months preparing, I know there will still be surprises ahead. If I’ve learned anything from talking with professional women like you, it’s that retirement isn’t just a financial plan or a calendar event—it’s a powerful opportunity to rediscover yourself, your passions, and what truly matters.

But here’s the thing: retirement often comes with surprises no one really talks about. Some are wonderful. Others might catch you off guard. Today, I want to share 5 of the most common surprises women don’t expect about retirement—and how you can embrace them with confidence and grace.

I’ll also share a simple framework—based on positive psychology—that’s been incredibly helpful in shaping a joyful, fulfilling retirement: PERMA model (developed by Martin Seligman). It highlights five key ingredients for well-being: Positive Emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment. Think of it as a roadmap for building a retirement that feels truly rewarding.

🌸 Surprise #1: Losing Structure Feels More Unsettling Than You’d Think

Most people assume that retirement is pure freedom—but here’s the surprise: without the structure of work, days can feel surprisingly empty. I remember talking to a woman who said, “I thought I’d love all the free time, but I didn’t know what to do with myself so I went back to work!”

What You Can Do:
👉 Start small: Try mapping out a simple weekly rhythm that balances things you have to do (like errands) with things you want to do (like connecting with friends, exploring a hobby, or enjoying the outdoors).
👉 Keep it flexible! The goal is to create a sense of rhythm, not to fill every hour.

Why It Matters:
When we feel engaged and purposeful, we’re happier and healthier. That’s what the “E” (Engagement) and “A” (Accomplishment) in PERMA are all about—feeling a sense of flow and achievement in our days.

🌸 Surprise #2: Emotional Whiplash is More Common Than You’d Imagine

Here’s something no one tells you: retirement can stir up a storm of emotions. Relief, excitement, sadness, even guilt—all swirling together.

I’ve certainly felt a mix of emotions. On one hand, I’m thrilled about this new chapter and all the possibilities it holds. On the other, I feel a twinge of guilt about leaving my colleagues during a difficult time in higher education—I wish I were stepping away when they had more security. Yet, despite those mixed emotions, I feel an incredible sense of excitement about what lies ahead.

What You Can Do:
👉 Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up.
👉 Try the “Notice, Name, and Nurture” approach: notice the feeling, name it (sad, excited, worried), and nurture it with self-compassion.

Why It Matters:
Naming emotions helps us move through them, instead of getting stuck. That’s key to building Positive Emotions—the “P” in PERMA—and maintaining a sense of balance.

🌸 Surprise #3: Your Social Circles Might Shift Dramatically

Most of us don’t realize how many of our friendships are built around work. Here’s the surprise: when work ends, those connections can fade faster than we expect. I recently had a Retirement Clarity Session with a woman who was worried she wouldn’t find new friends who shared her values, optimism, and zest for life. This is a common fear — many women feel blindsided by the sudden quiet after years of busy meetings and coffee chats.

What You Can Do:
👉 Reach out to old colleagues and friends to keep those connections alive.
👉 Explore new communities—book clubs, classes, or volunteering are great ways to meet like-minded people.

Why It Matters:
Relationships are the heart of well-being. That’s the “R” in PERMA—having supportive, positive connections makes this transition so much richer.

🌸 Surprise #4: Retirement Can Spark Identity Questions

Here’s something no one really prepares you for: when the work title disappears, it’s common to ask, Who am I now? For decades, careers and caregiving roles can define us more than we realize.

What You Can Do:
👉 Embrace this as an opportunity to rediscover who you are.
👉 Set aside time for self-reflection: What truly lights you up? What did you put on hold for others? What values matter most to you now?

Why It Matters:
When we align our lives with what matters most, we create a sense of Meaning and Purpose—the “M” in PERMA. This is where the real magic happens.

🌸 Surprise #5: Reinvention is Closer Than You Realize

The biggest surprise? Retirement isn’t an ending—it’s a chance to reinvent yourself. I’ve watched so many women discover passions and talents they’d buried under years of “shoulds” and obligations.

What You Can Do:
👉 Dream big. What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to try?
👉 Take a small step toward that dream—sign up for a class, research opportunities, or talk to someone who’s already doing it.

Why It Matters:
Accomplishing small steps fuels confidence and keeps you moving forward. That’s the “A” in PERMA—building a sense of progress and achievement.

In Closing

Retirement is a journey, and while these experiences might feel unexpected, they’re a natural part of the transition. Every step you take toward understanding these feelings helps you build a retirement that’s vibrant, meaningful, and uniquely yours.

If today’s topic resonates with you, you might also find value in my second blog, What Will I Do All Day? (And Other Retirement Fears No One Talks About), where I shared insights on navigating the emotional shifts that come with leaving behind your career identity. Together, these conversations can help you build a fulfilling next chapter.

Ready to start your own journey?
💛 Download my free Retirement Vision Starter Kit—designed to help you uncover your passions, create a plan, and build a life filled with purpose and joy.
💛 Curious about what it would look like to work together? Let’s talk! I offer a free 30-minute conversation where we can explore your goals and see how I can help you design a retirement you’re excited to live.

👉 [Download the Starter Kit] or [Book your 30-minute conversation] today. Let’s make this next chapter the best one yet.

P.S. If you’re a returning reader, you might notice I’ve moved to a new website! Welcome to ElaineBelansky.com—my new home for helping you design a bold and fulfilling retirement.

About Elaine

Elaine Belansky, PhD, is a retirement coach who helps women 50+ design a retirement they’re excited to live—filled with purpose, connection, and growth. Drawing on decades of experience as a social psychologist, wellbeing expert, and professor, she brings research-based strategies and a warm, supportive approach to help women navigate the emotional side of retirement.